The Universe Sent Me Spam (and Apparently, a Marketing Plan)

 It all started with me minding my own business — which, in my world, means sitting at 1 a.m. with a cold cup of Smooth Move tea, one sock on, and three open Canva tabs arguing over fonts like they’re auditioning for The Bachelor.

I’ve been in what I call my “Build Everything, Sell Nothing” era. Blog? Check. Substack? Check. Medium? Check. Etsy, KDP, Gumroad — and probably a future Stan Store if I ever stop making my banners look like digital garage sales.

Basically, I’m one strong Wi-Fi signal away from becoming a startup no one invested in.

Then the universe slid into my inbox.

Subject line:

“Your Daily Decoder: The Universe Has a Message for You.”

Of course I clicked. I’m a sucker for cosmic validation — and also for avoiding editing my “About Me” for the 47th time.

The email said something mystical like,

“Dory, the universe has assembled the perfect toolkit for you to share what’s been living in your heart.”

Excuse me, Universe? You spying on me through my ring light now? Honestly, sometimes I feel like Big Brother is really watching. I even unplugged all my Alexas — dramatic, I know — but I swear they judge me when I talk to myself. Forgive me Alexa, I will resuscitate you soon. Promise.

Naturally, I asked GPT if this was a sign from the heavens or just my spam filter manifesting drama.

Let’s just say GPT had thoughts.
And I had breakfast.

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🍳 The Aftermath

There was Spam. There was garlic rice. There was an existential crisis over tankinis and Canva subscriptions.
(Okay fine — and garlic breath. Worth it.)

It all spiraled into a new essay that might be my most “me” thing yet — equal parts chaos, reflection, and fried sodium.

You can read the full thing on:

• ✍️ Medium (for the unfiltered, chaotic version) → [insert link]

• 💌 Substack (for the emotional-but-still-funny version) → [insert link]

Two sides of the same Spam. One’s witty. One’s slightly wiser. Both smell like garlic oil.

Anyway, before this turns into another TED Talk about carbs and destiny…

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☕ Final Thought

If the universe is trying to tell me something, it better come with rice and a discount code for Canva Pro.

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🩵 Read More of My Questionable Life Choices

• Substack: This Might Be Therapy — where I write about healing, humor, and the weird joy of starting over.

• Medium: In My Defense — where I overshare for free.